16 July 2010

a little bit

So I’ve been reading psalms and proverbs lately. Today, I really like the psalm I read. Since I’m waiting in the doctors office, my bible of choice was e-sword on my computer. It’s Psalm 15 and it’s talking about who can live with or be with God. Those who walk blamelessly, do what is right, and speak truth in your heart. I love the “speaks truth in his heart” part… it’s not just lip-service, it’s an attitude of the heart. Wanna live with God? Then don’t slander others (still working on that Ephesians 4:29 verse), do no evil to your neighbors. These are the people who get to dwell on his holy hill. What a peace and challenge these few verses bring to my heart tonight.

I’m so glad that I couldn’t connect to the wireless here at the doc’s office. I wanted to upload some photos to facebook and catch up on a few blogs. It would’ve been nice to have done that but I would have missed some perfect quiet moments in God’s Word.

As I sit here in the doctor’s office, I can’t help but think of all that’s transpired since last time I was here. Two weeks ago I sat in this office quite a different state of mind. I was in physical pain, and overwhelmed in several areas of my life. The kids were with me in the doctor’s office and I was stressed and losing every ounce of patience God had given me for the day. Our evening didn’t improve at all once we arrived home. I was at the end of my sanity rope when my sweet friend called and intervened on my craziness. I was so sad that night for what that few hours looked like. A stressed out mom, no patience, kids who needed attention, an aching back, and who knows what else. I was at the bottom. One week later was still much of the same. I thought I was going through the motions of life solo with no help from my husband or anyone else. My back was still riddled with pain, I was still stressed and gaining weight and not eating healthy. I felt like I was slowly spiraling down hill, at least a little bit.

That’s frustrating to be in that situation and see it. You know how hard it is to see yourself not be yourself? Because I was so overwhelmed, I was also missing out on so much. My husband was helping and I couldn’t even see it. He was loving me even when I was grouchy. I remember calling a friend and telling her that I wasn’t being myself and she offered to pray for me. About that same time, knowing something had to change, I began seeking after and asking God to draw me closer to Himself.

Things have turned around. I feel like me again. Part of that is that my back pain isn’t so bad right now. It’s a huge help in fact. Part of it is choosing a different perspective on some things. I wish I could sit here (now at home after bible study has finished) and tell you that everything is perfect. It’s not. There are still issues but what helps is that I know I’m a work in progress. And today, progress is moving forward and it feels so good!

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