For a while now I've thought about this whole working mom issue. I continue to struggle in my own head with all the benefits of both. And then I listen to family related podcasts and it only makes me have more doubt. People who stay at home with their children don't understand the working mom issues. Working mom's don't understand stay at home mom issues. Its not just a matter of 'the grass is greener on the other side'. Its an issue of watching my kids grow up. Of being at home to greet my husband when he comes home from work. Of having energy and time to give to my kids when all they want is to read a book or wrestle on the floor. Of being there when they reach different milestones in their young lives. But on the other hand, I have a good job. Good benefits. Decent pay. Flexibility. An understanding boss. And lately the question has become "do I truly enjoy my job?" I think I do. I love to do things I do at work when I randomly meet a landowner at a golf course. But is it simply my attitude? Who of us likes to do something when we have to do it? Why am I not motivated right now? Is it the weather? Will it ever warm up?
I'm gone from the house about 11 hours a day. Usually 45 minutes of that is spent at my mom's feeding Bethany and chatting with them. By time I get home, I don't have time to cook a meal, clean up, play with the kids, clean up after them, bathe the kids, get them in bed, do laundry or anything else that comes up. Thankfully I have a husband who does most of the cooking, plays with the kids, helps with bath time and I'm not left with doing everything by myself. But then throw into the mix that Wednesday and Thursday nights we're committed to outside activities. So what, that's only two days a week, right. Still, it seems never ending sometimes. Funny thing is that when we slow down, we feel like we don't know what to do with ourselves.
Which brings up another thought. One of my buddies commented on how well I do taking time out to spend with just Ryan. I don't think that we do well at that. Honestly, if we make time to talk, then we're asking Scott to be quiet while we talk. If we wait till the kids go to bed, we do a quick run down of our day, ask for prayer requests, pray together and fall asleep. So, put the kids to bed earlier, right? Remember, I don't get home till 630 and I need some time in there to spend with them.
okay, sorry for the rant... I'm tired and grumpy today.
PS, thank you Ryan for staying up last night and paying bills and working on our budget while I crashed!