tamara b

I love our older generation. They have so much to offer us, so much to teach. They’re often times a living history and what fun they can be when they make themselves an open book. Grandparents are especially wonderful. They tie us to our family heritage, they love us and often times spoil us. Often times as they age, they vocalize their opinions a little more and though it’s out of love, the tact isn’t there. Its something we experience most visits to Ryan’s grandparents. They are wonderful people and we absolutely love to visit them except for one thing – the tact issue. The time we get to spend with them, sharing of family history, the fresh baked pie, the goodies they send home with us are often spoiled before we ever leave.
This past week we spent three nights with G&G B. They opened their home so that we could putt around. We got in late Thursday night and went to bed. Friday we spent the day at the fair and then had supper with some friends in Des Moines. Saturday morning we had a little more time in Prairie City. It was that morning that the hurtful words came pouring out. This also happened last time we were down. At that time, Grandpa was in the hospital and I confronted Grandma about the issue. I think I was clear in letting her know that it was inappropriate, hurtful and shouldn’t continue. Anyway, this time was Grandpa. Although he says things from a big and loving heart, it comes out wrong. I didn’t know it happened until later that afternoon and was quite upset that I wasn’t there to intercede. So Saturday we went on with our day and Ryan was adamant on not going back to PC until later that night. We came home and went to bed again. Sunday morning I was on guard and pretty much waiting for something to be said. I really tried to be so irritated about it but wasn’t succeeding. We worshipped at church – the message was wonderful and then went back for lunch. It was quite fun, Grandma B and I walked around the garden as she showed me the different things she had planted. But still, I was waiting to defend my Ryan. It’s so interesting that they make comments about Ryan’s weight but in the next sentence tell him to eat more pancakes and eat the rest of the bacon. Anyway, we sat down for lunch and they questioned why Ryan wasn’t eating more. I think I was so frustrated at this point that I just wanted to address this issue before anything more hurtful was said. But I didn’t. And so, Ryan and I eventually left to drive back home. Unfortunately, when people say hurtful things and his self esteem drops even more, I’m the one who gets to deal with it and TRY to build it back up.
So, next time I begin to open my mouth (even in a loving way), I hope that I can think back to these sorts of incidences. And when I wonder why Ryan takes everything I say as negative, I hope that God reminds me to love him even more and speak words that build and encourage. I think that I speak the truth in love and it doesn’t mean it’s accepted as such. So, I hope I choose my words very carefully.