Celebrating Scott

Our first born turns 8 tomorrow.  

With a few friends and family over, we had a bit of old fashioned fun celebrating.  We played baseball in the pasture, 

Had an impromptu seed spitting contest:

Opened gifts 

and ate a quick meal before we had cake and ice-cream:

Scott, earlier when Ryan dropped off Caleb and Michah, he said he could still remember the day you were born.  You know what buddy?  We remember too.  In fact, I remember when we found out we were pregnant with you.  We remember when you would go crazy moving around and kicking inside momma's belly if she at skittles.  We remember that from the start you loved your momma.  So much so, in fact, that you didn't want to come out of my belly!  Eight years later, we continue to be amazed at your God-given talents, your compassionate heart, your awesome ability to light up a room with a smile, and the love you extend to your family.  Scott, we continue to pray that you will use these God-given talents and any new ones to bring glory to the King who created you.  Happy birthday son.  We love you!

Home is where the heart is

The last few months have been busy and overwhelming.  This post is going back a few months because I want to share this time of refreshment with you and put it in writing for years to come.

In April, one of my best child-hood friends' mom died.  I spent a lot of time with Becky's family.  Her mom was like another mom to me, as was the case of many of my close friend's moms.  While we may not talk on a regular basis, I have a deep love for my friend.  And her family.  I was heart broken for the sudden loss my friend was enduring.  I longed to be home holding my friend's hand, listening, and simply loving her in her hurt.  These are the moments when it SUCKS to live so far from the community I grew up in.  Later that month, my Grandma was wanting to come for a visit.  She's 90 and has never flown alone.  My mom wasn't able to fly out and get her.  It was an emotional tug on my heart and I told my mom I would go get her and bring her home (without consulting my leader husband).  I am a blessed with a husband who agreed to send me last minute after spending much of our vacation and expenses on a recent trip to Ethiopia.  Not just for one day to get my Grandma but for several days to hang out with my grieving friend.

In May, I just about ran onto the plane knowing this California girl was headed home to her roots.  I was on cloud nine - literally.  The airport near home is decorated to make you feel like you're in the Giant Sequoias. On cloud nine, in the giant sequoias, at home.  It was perfect.  And only the beginning.  Another dear friend (okay, everyone I saw is a dear friend) and forever amiga picked me up at the airport.  In my nasty-travel-stank, Nina and I headed straight downtown for the Art Hop.  It wasn't really the Artsy part of it that I was interested in, but another dear friend, Oscar was there pouring wine as part of it.  I'm so proud of Oscar's accomplishments, his sincere heart, his love for his children and it was great to see him.  Re-live the moment with me... Nina and I sit down at some fancy place, pretending like we give a rip about the menu items, but really are just there to surprise Oscar.  Oscar caught a glance of us out of the corner of his eye and gave us a half nod like he would any of his friends acknowledging their presence but in the middle of another conversation.  Imagine the look on Oscar's face when his brain caught up with his eyes and he realized that friend a few tables away is the one who lives a couple thousand miles away.  A quick hug and "hello" and Nina and I were back out the door.  This rural Iowa country girl had been transported into the downtown city life strolling down the street where one guy promised us the cheap knock-off ray bans were real and another businessman was selling what I believed were stolen watches.  To be honest, I was totally out of the comfort zone of this momma whose date nights are a weekly gathering with a group of friends studying the Bible.  Walking into the the fun coffee place that seems to frequent every corner and the big red bulls-eye store, I was back into familiar territory.  Oh Jesus, it's so good to be home. Thank you for giving me a heart that calls 3 places home and a friend that puts her to-do list aside to hang out with me.  Following a long day, it was now late at night driving through streets I wasn't familiar with... that is until in the middle of city street lights we got into an area where became pitch dark.  While I've been away for 11 years, I absolutely knew exactly where we were, passing the Fresno State Farm.  A place I called home for four years.  On that school farm, things grew and so did I.  We continued down the road to Nina's home.  My earlier frappuccino would typically be a recipe for a sleepless night.  But not this night, I was exhausted and I crashed shortly after.

The next morning, a few of my girlfriends were able to meet up for breakfast.  You can't imagine how much I enjoyed those few hours with a hand full of ladies I don't get to see near enough.  What a treasure.  It was so good to just be there with Becky.  To hear her pain, to reminisce about her momma.  Believe me, it wasn't all sad moments.  It's amazing how a bond can stand the test of time and distance and that they allow me to walk back into their lives for a few moments.  Later that day I joined Becky's family up for a trial run with the boat up to Pine Flat Lake.  Back in the day, I learned to water ski on the river but those days are long gone and these days I don't spend much time in the water.  That didn't matter to me.  With a bit of apprehension of making a fool out of myself or of getting hurt, I tried wake-boarding.  And for a newbie, I rocked it!!! Of course I can say that, this is my blog!  Really though, I must share that I got up out of the water the first try and managed to single hand it.  I might not have had the look of an experienced wake-boarder, I was having fun.

Usually when I go home, I spend a lot of time with my sweet and amazing friend, Kristine.  After the lake, I finally met up with Kristine. We weren't too concerned that the restaurant was closing, us girls grabbed a table and ordered a meal.  Eventually I ended up at my friend Mary's.  One thing I love about my friends is that some of them have kids my age.  These women invested in my life as a teen and loved me where I was at in life and I love these women!  With an empty nest, except when the grandgirls are there, Mary welcomed me in for a few days:

Saturday was my maternal Grandmother's family reunion.  My Aunt Anna is such a trooper taking care of all the details.  Being home for a short period never allows for enough time to see everyone.  Visiting with groups of people is so much easier.  Being at the family reunion was perfect.  I got to see cousins, meet their spouses and kids, and loved every moment of it.  This is my Nanny and her baby brother:

My own siblings were there too.  But I longed to spend time with just them.  Before heading over to my brother's, I made a quick detour to Oscar's winery.  Friends, I don't drink, but it was such a warm and inviting place.  A beautiful deck is the perfect place to hang out during wine events.  Jeremy, along with his bride, are classmates that are also friends of Oscar's.  Newly married himself, Jeremy plays a fatherly-figure role in his nephew's life.  I so admire that.  Speaking of outstanding men who I admire, I left the winery to pick up my Dad and head to my brother's.  My family is wonderful about opening their homes and providing a gathering place.  Being this far away, I really don't have any interaction with my nieces and nephews.  At my brother and sister-in-laws, we played Marco-Polo in the pool, and enjoyed hanging out together.  Because I don't dare share a picture of me in a swimming attire, I'll share this one:

My sister-in-law has a sweet new camaro.  A ride with the top down was absolutely necessary.  Don't let me fool you.  My brother drove the car.  I was happy to be sitting with my dad and brother in a car!  I took a picture while sitting in the driveway so I could send it to Ryan with the subject line of "topless".

One of my favorite things of being home is worshiping in the church I was raised to faith in.  I don't know all of the people there anymore, but I know the Truth is spoken and I'm became a changed person because of it.  This Sunday though, instead of worship at the church, I listened to it on the radio as I drove to another familiar town that holds lots of life memories for me.  In a small cafe in downtown Hanford, I met my step-brother's family and my step-sisters family.

These are my niece and nephews from that family.  It makes me feel a bit old that my niece is taller than I am! As with every other gathering, there wasn't enough time.  I love my friends and miss them, but it's the nieces and nephews that I long to watch grow up.  I would love to see Julie on point during the Nutcracker, or watch Jason draw pictures and play ball.  I'd love to push Hunter on a swing.  The same goes for my other nieces and nephews.   But, with this short visit home, I'm just thankful that busy schedules worked and we could gather together.

For a while on Sunday, I headed over to Paul's where Nina hosted a birthday party for Paul's granddaughter.  Another home away from home.  My freshman year I spent a lot of Friday night's with Paul's daughter and other classmates hanging out.  As years passed, Paul became a close friend.  A man that was like another father to me (I'm a lucky lady to have a father along with other men in my life that loved me).  A man that could speak into my life and hold me accountable and pray for me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY for an entire year.  It was a smashing party for a 6 year old.  I loved seeing all the adults that love that child.  Some of those folks were old friends who I've lost touch with.  Did I already mention that I love my friend's parents?  Nikki's parents were there.  What a sweet treat.  Joe gifted me a bottle of wine that we had given to our wedding party ten years ago.  Again, the time was too short but it was so good to see all those friends.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon with Becky and family.   I am blessed once again to be a part of their every day lives for a short while.  Oh Lord, you are Truth and Love.  Because of you, Lord, Becky and I can stand face to face after life and distance had separated us for a hand full of years.  Becky married a man that loves her.  He even put up with me for a few days and that's saying something!  Thanks to Becky and Greg, we ventured out on a dune-buggy [sorry Becky, I know that's not the right term] to ride around the country side.  I felt a little bit like an exchange student who's trying to experience all the fun things in a new community.  At the same time I felt right at home as we roamed through empty irrigation ditches, and down the paths of newly planted orchards.  Later, Becky's daughter snuggled with me on the couch while her son and I threw a football together and even played chess.

*****[as I sit here and type this two months after my trip, I'm grinning from ear to ear about the time I spent back in California.  In perfect God timing, I just received this message from Nina via facebook:

Hey friend!! So I had this idea...but all the un-creative ways I came up with for sharing it haven't worked:( so I'm keeping it simple! Your friends have a message for you and starting tomorrow via FB you will get pieces of the message each day until its finished! :) You are loved!

Indeed, I am loved.]*****

Monday rolled around rather quickly.  Granted, sleeping in each morning might do that.  Thank you Ryan for keeping the kids solo.  Thank you Mary and Scott for letting me take up residence at your place.  By this point I was missing home but still hadn't seen near enough people.  Thanks to face time, I was able to visit with my kids and send my hubby some fun pictures to share the trip with him.  On Monday, I finally found my place on Kristine's couch.  It was long overdue.  In the midst of moving, she made time to hang out with me.  Such a cherished friend.

 Like many other friends, a few children are now part of our hang out time.  I love those cuties.  When Seth offerred me a strawberry out of his garden, I had to snap a photo of it.

The time with these guys went too fast but trying to connect with lots of people doesn't allow for much time.  In an earlier phone call I connected with my Grandma so I headed right over to see her.  She is a woman of few words.  She is a picture of strength.  Unsure of how to serve her, we passed the time by sitting beside her and holding her hand.  Again face-time came in really handy and she was able to see my wild children and hear their voices - her first time meeting Judah.

That evening, I headed back to the city.  I met Dina while in high school.  She was my senior civics teacher.  While a good student, I was ready to be done with high school and didn't have much time for many of my teachers.  But Dina was real and I liked her.  So much so that every-time I go home, I stop and visit Dina's classroom. Nina and Dina and I met up for the evening.  We headed to this cool joint in downtown Clovis.  More memories of time downtown at a sandwich shop and at the farmer's markets.  As we walked in, I remembered the place I'd been before but had long forgotten about.  I had my usual, even it had been 13ish years since I'd been there.  While the food was good, the best part was catching up with Dina and Nina as we sat on her back patio after supper.  With at least one more stop to make that night, I finally hit the road, pulling off the highway at another comfort place - my Daddy's house.  We chatted a bit before it was officially TOO LATE and he and I both had an early morning ahead of us.  Of course, I didn't go right to bed when I got to Mary's.  She and I really hadn't had a chance to catch up yet.  Mary wouldn't want me to brag, but again, this is my blog... Mary shared an amazing story of how she and her husband are investing in another couple.  Loving like Jesus called us to love.  Pretty soon, the clock was ticking 2:00am.

Lord, I am a blessed woman.  You knew me before time.  You know the number of hairs on my head.  You bless me with my parents and siblings, those I consider family, those whose family I married into, and those you've entrusted us to raise.  In addition to that Lord, you give me abundant joy.  Not without struggles, but certainly worth bragging about.  Thank you Lord for those friends at home who are the Hands and Feet of you Jesus.  God I thank you for the opportunity to be in their lives for a few days and for the generosity of a husband who holds down the fort while I do so.  My family and friends are a treasure.  Thank you Lord.  It's not always easy living so far away, Lord.  You know that my heart's prayer many years ago is that I would follow where you lead me and that you would give me opportunity to make Your name great whether that be in the comforts of my childhood home town, my home here, or my home away from home in Ethiopia.

Three hours later, I was up and in the shower and ready to go.  My time here was over and I was soon leaving the Swedish Village in the dark as I sped down the freeway to pick up my Nanny.  Oh that sweet lady.  She was so excited, or nervous, about travelling that she didn't get much sleep either.  My cousins who've so graciously cared for her, carried her bags to the truck, and hugged and kissed her goodbye.  It was so sweet to watch these grown men love on her, and maybe even shed a tear.  And so began the long trip home.

Flying with an independent woman who doesn't admit her need for help was a fun challenge.  I told her over and over again that I hadn't got to hold her hand for many years and just enjoyed being able to do that and other little things for her.  Take note my children, you'll likely have to deal with this stubborn momma that way someday.

This is my Grandma.  She's a simple lady.  Likes fried potatoes, pinto beans, catfish, and strong black coffee.  She's not afraid to give you her opinion (yes, this might be where I got it from).  While frail, she's an amazing woman of strength.  At 90 years old, having lived a bit of a hard life, she is a beautiful creation.  As we arrived back in Iowa, I treated her to the popular drive-thru coffee place that you can find on every corner and grabbed myself one too to keep me awake.  The two hour drive home was filled with question after question about where we were going and telling me of her need to go home.  Jehovah Jirah, you are faithful to provide.  This woman sitting beside me has left her home and the majority of her family.  This place is unfamiliar to her and she seems so confused.  Would you give her peace while she's here with us in Iowa.  Fifteen hours later after very little sleep, having made a surprise visit at my mom's work with my Grandma and then helped to get her settled in at mom's house, I was headed home.

Home is indeed where the heart is.  God has blessed me with a heart for more than one home.  My hometown of Kingsburg, the home I've grown to love here in Iowa, and the home I will gladly go to someday in Heaven.

Living Life

Such emotions lately.  Naughty kids are rough to parent.  Yes, I may be dealing with kid issues, but there have been those moments that are fresh in my mind a week later.  I am so thankful to be living in the moment.  Some moments are sweet victories simply because I have felt like I'm failing as a parent.  We try to teach our kids hard work, selfless-ness, and some of those things.  Even so, our kids seem greedy, all about "things", self-centered, and think they deserve EVERYTHING.  I'm not trying to have a pity party about my parenting.  I'm also well aware that we're not perfect examples.  But 11 days in a poor country kind of changes your perspective.  Even if it's your 4th trip there.  Ethiopia reminded me of that perspective many times.

We all know how those issues reveal themselves in kids' attitudes and our responses so there's no need for detail here.  What I really wanted to share are the small victories that occurred today.

If you know us, you probably don't see the attachment struggles between Judah and me.  If you know us real well, you've heard about or seen them.  This past week has been good.  And fun.  And I get smiles from Judah on a regular basis, not just blank stares.  Tonight he came around the corner and when we made eye contact, he smiled and my heart warmed.  I'll take that again son!

This morning Scott was discontent about something.  About everything actually.  My reaction was frustration.    When I left in a hurry this morning, he ran to me and hugged me tight.  As we started our seperate ways, he stepped back, looked at me, and hugged me again.  My sweet boy.  He is so considerate of others but tires of being the oldest child who the others follow around.

This afternoon, Bethany asked me more than once if I would just sit with her.  We did that multiple times.  I snuggled her close, she giggled and we both breathed in the moments.  She may have not been feeling good but even so, it was a moment to remember.  She won't always ask me to hug and hold her.

While I love these moments and think they're healthy and necessary, I'm not naive enough to think it will be the fix to the heart issues that have been revealing themselves in the kids and myself.  This week our small group families will be starting to go through the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Paul David Tripp.  I'm eagerly awaiting this study and think that deep down my kids are too!

Catching Up

I keep thinking that I really need to write a blog post.  As you can see, that never happens and then I get so behind that I don't know where to begin.  For some odd reason, I think I have to be up to date which is so not true.  After all, when have I ever been up to date??? This can be evidenced by my wardrobe, hair color, etc.  But this isn't confessions of a mom who needs a make-over.

Moving on.

We are were enjoying spring.  The weekend weather was beautiful.  We spent a fair amount of time outside on Sunday.  We followed lunch at mom & papa's by working on our soccer skills.  I am coaching one of the U-8 boys teams and my U-8 boy has some serious room for improvement.  It is clear that he did not get any of his momma's athletic ability. 

My kids have been horribly behaved lately.  I think it's a mix of spring fever, us parents being away for two weeks, and regular 'ol disobedience.  Monday when we got home for the day, I thought it would be beneficial to spend some quality time with them.  Supper would have to wait.  My icky stomach would have to be ignored.  These three little ones needed momma time and boy did we have fun:

Trampoline fun usually involves their Daddy.  But this time, I jumped in on the fun.  They have this little game they play and the kids love it.  Oddly enough, the game is the kids getting pushed over or tripped by Daddy. Pinch hitting in this wonderful little game, I had to attract the kids to the edge of the trampoline so I could push them over and trip them up.  I pulled a creative pinterest idea from the recesses of my brain to add to the fun.  With chalk, I drew a square at the edge of the trampoline and wrote "mom's square" in it and "STAY OFF" around it.  Those two little phrases had magnetic action to my babes.  I put my rockstar drawing abilities to work and continued to decorate the trampoline with chalk.  We had a blast... except for the part where they had to sit still so I could draw a straight line.  

Did you catch that last sentence?  Normally the kids have fun and I assist.  But this time, I had fun too.  Because I was pulling out all the tricks during this quality time, I even did some head stands for the kids:

The last few days were cool but beautiful.  Spring arrived but winter must have been jealous.  They were apparently having a little battle today because we enjoyed a lightning/thunder/rain storm this morning.  The remainder of the week will be cold with chances of snow in the forcast... oh dear!

Celebrate

There's not much snow hanging around us to play in, but we've been quite busy anyway.  These three hulligans keep us hopping.  Keeping up with school papers, snack calendars, AWANA studies, and the general up-bringing of three kids wears this momma out some days.  The photo below was one of those moments where they were so precious but wouldn't calm down and stand still long enough for a picture.

Showing off their new Latham beanies from Nick.

If you know me in real life, you know that this fun little time we call the Sweetheart Supper, is to celebrate some of the ladies in my community keeps me busy for about a month straight.  Our local paper published an article on the event this year which brought more interest to the event:

Lovin' on the Ladies is quite fun though it does take a lot of work to organize.  Yesterday I did a quick count of volunteers who help with the meticulous details.  I counted 22 people who helped make this event a success.  The end result on Valentine's Night is always worth every minute of prep time:

Bethany serves Ms. Wenger.

After a week of Sweetheart Supper details, I was thankful to eat out on Friday night.  Thanks to our local fire department for not only providing emergency services but also for frying up some great fish at the start of the Lenten season.  A worthy cause to be donating too.

This week, the stone gathers no moss at our house.  I wasn't home most of the week nights.  You can imagine how my house looked.  Sure, my husband is helpful and does, but he leaves the fine-tuned details to me.  After a morning of cleaning, we spent the evening celebrating the culture of a Pakistani exchange student from our nearby college.  Saista loved every minute of being in the kitchen again after two months on a college campus.  She was also very patient with her kitchen helpers.  We shared a traditional Pakistani meal, learned about Saista's family, and had a great time getting to know this sweet girl.

Saista and Bethany making the dough for the garmen.

Tuesday through Thursday Sweetheart Supper + Friday night fish fry + Saturday Pakistani night = I was tired.

Sunday would have been a great napping day.  Except that it was almost two weeks after a certain little boy's birthday and we had yet to celebrate with our family.  So Sunday afternoon we were joined by two of Judah's friends, two sets of grandparents, and some good friends who love our children and we had a birthday party.  Complete with cake (for the 3rd time), pizza, soda, and lots of noise.  Happy birthday Judah!

After all the celebrating this past week, I'm thankful for a day off for Presidents Day.  I slept in a bit, lounged around the house, and am now heading out to buy some more beading materials with a girl friend!

farm girl

A note to a friend last week:

I thought of you this morning as I was making my way to work.  There's no way a few sentences can do justice to my farm girl experience this morning but I'll give it a quick shot.  Overnight we had sleet followed by up to 6" of snow and then lots of wind this morning.  I didn't even want to crawl out of bed but I also don't want to waste my vacation time being a sissy about the driveway.  We live in the rolling hills coming in our driveway, one goes down a hill, around a curve where the pone sits on one side and a deep drop off on the other.  Leaving the driveway in winter weather then, one has to go slow around the corner to be able to stay on the driveway, but yet get enough speed to make it up the hill to the highway.  Ryan headed out right away to check the status of the driveway (it's ¼ mile out to the highway).  It's like his 4WD weighted down vet truck floats on the snow.  Not true for our van.  He came in the house this morning and let me know the driveway would be fine.  The van probably wouldn't make it out so he had the old ford running.

 

The "old ford" as we call it is an old farm truck.  1987.  All manual stuff inside – still has the "brights" button on the floor below the clutch.  Our van has nothing fancy but this old ford is even less so.  The rearview mirror came off a few years ago and we've tried to get it back where it goes, but it has found a permanent place behind the seat.  No button selection for 4WD, and I think the hubs are permanently locked in so at least I don't have to mess with that.  A guy side-swiped Ryan a few years ago so the box is dented to high heaven on one side. Can you picture it?  Inside the cab, there is no cup holder for my coffee but I manage to find that it fits tightly in the back of the seat where the arm rest would fold up into.  Please don't spill coffee; that would just ruin my jeans and tshirt and attitude for the day.  Ryan's country-living-guy pals love this truck.  It's old but it has a "newer" Cummins diesel engine in it and the noise it makes would make any guy proud.  Let's not forget that my co-pilot is Ryan's huge chain saw, 2-cycle oil, helmet and face shield and who knows what else.  Since we only live on an acreage, this old farm truck has become a wood cutting truck.  The goose neck is well oiled and well used for a wood hauling trailer.  Can you picture it?

 

Then imagine that I'm headed down our snow covered driveway with old wipers that aren't working the best and I'm driving half way blind at first.  I had mentioned to Ryan that if we'd had a normal winter so far, we wouldn't think much of this storm.  I got out on the highway and didn't meet a single car, followed the plow that last mile into town and saw few people out.  Then I realized my breakfast burrito was still in the microwave… Still following the plow, I pulled into Hardees and wasn't sure if I was in the driveway or on the grass.  Waiting for my healthy breakfast, the snow started falling heavier.  Heading South out of town there was no evidence of the plow, apparently the North/South roads are drifting bad.  Imagine me trying to juggle the stick shift, wipers, and watching the road.  It wasn't a nerve-wracking drive.  It was a tad bit empowering… I'm not scared of some winter storm!  Into the office, our side of the building was dark.  No one in the office… may I should have been a little more cautious about that winter storm...

Randomness

Nothing super exciting going on here.  Living life, which keeps us busy enough.  Here's some random things you might see/hear if you were a fly on our wall:

• Bethany is my mini me.  Her hair was mostly straight this morning... until she got outside where it was foggy.  
• I canned 50-something quarts of tomatoes this summer.  I'm slowly starting to use them up.  Last night I made spanish rice using  and not-so-fresh salsa using some garden things I'd frozen: cilantro, lemon juice (not garden, but hand squeezed and frozen), and green onions.  Tonight I made meatloaf. Pretty much anything that calls for some sort of tomato gets adjusted to use the jars of tomato in my pantry.
• Scott has a bit of a gap in his front teeth currently.  He whistles through his teeth ALL the time.  It drives me crazy.  I feel bad asking him to stop but the constant noise drives me bonkers.  He loves to whistle.  It's a hard balance.  But, we have constant noise all the time so balance is tough.

• I used to feel like the "crazy cat lady".  We had seven cats.  Around Christmas, I hit and killed our beloved Rum.  The cats love the garage door and apparently think it's fun to run in and out each time the door is opened or closed.  It's annoying.  My kids are constantly begging me to not hit the cats as they're running in while I try to drive in.  I might have been the mom who, in frustration, made some comment about running over a cat two seconds before actually doing so.  I am no longer feeling like the crazy cat lady.  Now I feel like cat killer.  While I don't think that being married to a vet gives me permission to hit my cats, I sure am thankful that it lessens my veterinary expenses.  P.S., cat #2, aka Tank, survived the run over for now.  He only uses 3 legs, much like his momma, Pepsi.
• Sometimes my kids play so nicely together, for about 5 minutes at a time.  They are good guys and bad guys and utilizing super hero capes, buzz light year gear, and a captain America shield.  Scott is currently in his boxer briefs playing "captain underpants" and I had to stop typing to talk to Bethany about keeping her shirt on since she's a girl.  Alas, I'll share the picture where they're all fully clothed.

• I've been trying to eat healthy.  Some days I could care less.  And some days I'm very serious about it.  Eating smaller portions has been a good habit to get into.  Especially as I prepare for Ethiopian food which I now appreciate but isn't something I would over-eat on like fajitas.  I've also let myself have a snack sized candy each day.  Because I'm about keeping it real, some days that becomes 6 different snacks in an hour.  
• There are lots of mommas pregnant in my church.  We've had several baby booms in our church where 8 women at a time are pregnant.  I have not been in either baby boom.  Which is okay.  I'm excited for my friends who are expecting.  Now if I could only keep straight who is pregnant and who isn't...
• In less than 7 weeks we'll be in Ethiopia.  We are excited.  Still fundraising.  Still working on a few details (like who will keep our kids for 2 weeks) but EXCITED.  
• Sweetheart Supper plans are happening.  The invitations should get mailed out tomorrow, and should have been printed Sunday.  Since Sunday was 1/4" of ice, there was no going anywhere, no invites printed and none ready to send out tomorrow.  I'm telling myself to not get anxioius.  Hosting that many ladies is a lot of work but worth every bit of it!
• This morning when I checked the weather it was 46 here (way warmer than normal), 34 in the town I was raised (way colder than normal) and 75 in Ethiopia.  Yay Ethiopia!!!
• My kids learn several verses a week.  As Bethany is quoting "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right", she is outright disobeying and climbing on the counter I told her to stay off of.  Clearly we need to work more on the application than the memory part.  Scott speeds through verses and they're way easy for him.  Judah is a champ and has to try.  Way to go boys.  Now, let's work on the personal application of it.
• I sometimes get an email from a specific airline at my work email.  It is annoying.  Today, I actually saw what it said and it was tempting to want to see if a few friends wanted to join me for a cheap weekend away...

Kids are arguing.  They've had a time out, some time alone and at least 3 chats from momma... do you think they would volunteer to go to bed????

constant noise. I don't know what I'd do without it.  So thankful to be a mom.

Necklaces For Show

Due to icy weather conditions, church was cancelled today.  We were home as a family ALL day long.  Even Ryan was home all day with us.  It was a great day to catch up on a few things.  Bethany and I enjoyed much of the day beading and crafting.  I was able to get some necklaces uploaded to the necklace page.  Check it out.  Let me know if there's something you'd like.

Disclaimer: if you're willing to support us, you can mail us a check or follow this link to donate online. It is ***REAL IMPORTANT that you put ET130301T Tamara B in the memo line or the donation won't go towards us.

https://secure3.convio.net/chc/site/Donation2?df_id=1420&1420.donation=form1&JServSessionIdr004=zafei1cb21.app333b

Itchy Journey

If you've been following my itchy journey, it's been a long and tiring journey.  It was 2 1/2 weeks ago that I saw the allergist and almost 2 weeks ago that I saw the dermatologist.  Those past few weeks were typically the down week for the itching.  This is the week in my cycle that my itching starts to go crazy again.  I have a little itching on my core body still but that's it.  THAT'S IT!!!  The dry, leather-feeling skin on my arms is gone.  My arms are soft again and only slightly discolored from the redness.  The dry, leather feeling skin is still on parts of my core but I'm hopeful that the old dry skin will quickly be replaced by new, soft skin.

Can I get on Amen on that!?!?

I am still waiting on the dermatologist's report on the biopsy of my arm.  I should have had those findings last Monday so I will be calling them this Monday to get the results.  In the mean time, I got my stitches out today:

Seeing Lots of Improvement

I shared with you about my long-lasting struggle with the rash and other skin issues.  It's hard for me to complain when I know it could be so much worse.  It's also hard for me to complain when I'd been reading a book this fall where I was reminded that the words/attitude that leave my mouth are a reflection of my heart, not my cicumstances.  Ouch.  It was a good book and I'd like to review it.  The book by Paul David Tripp is called War of Words.  Eventually though, when I got desperate and my skin issues were peaking at their worst (or so I thought), I decided to share.

Unfortunately, it did get worse.  But eventually it got better too.

Isn't that how life works.  While I don't want to be on an emotional rollercoaster, the fact is that our life sometimes has ups and downs.  For those of us who've chosen to follow the resurrected Christ, we have to take the bad with the good.  When it becomes good, let us shout it from the roof tops!

Well friends, I'm here to tell you and show you that it's finally getting better!

After visiting the dermatologist on Monday, things continued to get worse.  On Tuesday, the allergist had me send him pictures of my skin.  That evening I had Doxipen to my drug regimen.  By Wednesday afternoon, my skin was starting to calm down.  By Thursday, there were a few of the "hot spots" that were still showing up.  The above picture was taken Thursday.  The rest of my skin had the underlying red.  By Friday, I was seeing enough improvement that I was sure that I'd be able to wear my wedding ring to church on Sunday.  I still have some of the itching and some of the rash but the fine rash that covered my whole body is GONE.

I'm still fighting some funkiness with this head cold and I'm beginning to wonder if it's my maxillary sinus that's still inflamed, infected or if I have something wrong with my teeth.  Good thing I know the dentist!

Doing the Ethiopian happy dance here in Northeast Iowa!!!

In case You Wondered

Yes, I still itch.

Had a follow up with the dermatologist today.  I shared what the allergist said and while she didn't respond with words, her reaction told me she didn't agree.  Again, she didn't say anything so I'm not sure what her thoughts were.  I got another shot of kenalog which should relieve the itching.  It didn't work last time but I have my fingers crossed.

The rash seems to be getting worse.  Less fine rash and more bright red irritations.  Not sure if that means a skin infection.  With my head cold and skin issues, I spent most of 3 days straight in bed or on the couch.  I might have gone to urgent care yesterday if I wasn't scheduled for the dermatologist today.

It's now also on my face.  I look like a leper.  So much for feeling special.  The dermatologist biopsied the red stuff and sent it to lab.  We should have the results in a week.  For now I have two little stitches and a big bruise on my left arm to remind me to patiently wait for results.

I've shared the above pictures here and on facebook.  What I haven't shared in pictures is that I have the hives type of rash all over my core too.  It's now turning red.  Maybe from the itching?  Maybe a skin infection from the itching?  I plan to call Dr K, the allergy doc tomorrow.

This past weekend was tough.  Emotionally.  I know it could be way worse, but the itching has been overwhelming and emotionally exhausting.  I'm not getting good sleep so it's also physically exhausting.  And then because that wasn't enough, over the weekend, I developed a sinus infection to go with my two-week-old head cold and thought my skin was infected.  It sure is warm to touch those red areas of my skin.  On a good note, the sinus infection is gone thanks to the wise advise of my dentist, also known as my favorite father-in-law (yes, I have just one, it's an inside joke).

So today felt good.  We even invited a few friends to join us for supper.  And we were super blessed when they volunteered to bring supper.  Thank you Dan and MaryAnn!  We are so glad to call you guys friends.  I hope you don't itch too much tonight after watching my itch :)

Not Normal

I've written a little about it on my blog, but not much.  Mostly because I like to share the whole story but the WHOLE story includes some personal stuff that doesn't need to be on the internet.

This summer I was put on a medicine.  I reacted to it.  Itchy skin and a rash all over.  A band-aid of benadryl and claritin was recommended.  I'd tried that with  no improvement before I went in.  In frustration, I stopped the medicine that I was sure I was reacting to and was sent to another doctor to try to get to the underlying cause of the initial problem.  Dr. M saw me and said I wasn't normal.  Thanks Doc.  But he did find that my parts were normal as far as the initial concern went.  Dr. M also told me that no-one reacts to the medicine they put me on.  Awesome.  I informed him that seven years earlier, I was on a similar med that I also reacted to and then it was attributed to the stress of being a new mom and going back to work.  Dr. M said that nobody reacts to that because it's a .... [some really technical reason].  He said I could start back on the original medicine.

I went home feeling like I had no answers.  No reason for the first concern and no answer for the itching and ever growing rash.  After all, I had an appointment with the dermatologist set.

Eight weeks to wait may be okay for some  issues.  But for the rash and crazy itching I had, it wasn't do-able.  By now I had been paying close attention to the rash and how it closely follow my monthly cycle.  That's odd, isn't it.  It's one thing to get a rash that lasts a long time.  It seemed totally different to get a rash that got way worse during the increasing hormones part of my cycle.  Recalling my college days of animal science classes, I didn't have the cycle memorized anymore, but I had a general idea.  After all, dairy cattle are similar to women.

With four weeks left until my dermatology appointment, I couldn't stand it anymore.  It was overwhelming to itch all day long.  My skin was raw in places, I wasn't sleeping, and I and my whole family was tired of dealing with it.  I went back to the doctor office, this time seeing Dr. B instead of the PA.  He agreed my rash was yucky and was sure the spots of my knuckles was eczema.  At this point I'd tried claritin, benadryl, triamcinolone cream (to take away the rash), and a shot of [something] to take the itch away.  I'd also tried a month without the other med.  The rash continued to grow and got worse with each cycle.  Dr. B got me into a different dermatologist the next day.  Thank you God!

Seeing a PA dermatologist, she spent less than three minutes with me.  The raw spots on my hands were obviously eczema.  PA derm said I needed stronger meds.  She gave me a stronger shot (kenalog), prescribed a stronger cream, and really didn't pay any attention to the rest of my itching body.  PA told me to follow up in 10-14 days.  I thought that was perfect because at 10-14 days I would be at my peak cycle which means peak rash/itching.

Back to the pharmacy for the miracle cream.  Even the pharmacist, who I really appreciate, said this cream was harsh but it works.  Exactly what I needed: something to work.

With my new miracle drugs, sudden improvement did not happen.  My hands did clear up enough that I could put my wedding ring on for a few days.  With five days of relief under my belt, or should I say skin, I prayed that the rash would check out and not spread like wildlfire with my cycle.

It was day ~16 that I called the dermatologist office and left a message on the nurse's line.  She called back and said she was glad it was going well.  WELL????  Did you listen to the whole message????  I explained what happened and requested that she ask the PA several specific questions.  The nurse called back saying that the shot was still in my system so I should be fine.  I'm NOT fine I retorted.  The first available appointment would be 7 weeks out (thanks to holidays).

While at the chiropractor's office one day, he handed me a piece of paper.  It had three words on it.  He had listened to my random story of itching, did a quick google search and thought it sounded like me.  I waited at least a week before I began searching the string of words Dr. S gave me.  As I read some research papers, etc, it was a little scary - so much more than a simple rash.  I showed it to Ryan who didn't respond so I figured he thought I was crazy.  I mean, he knows that I'm a little crazy, but, you get the point.

Some time passed when we were celebrating Christmas with Ryan's family.  I mentioned to his mom what I'd read on the internet but that I wasn't sure if Ryan agreed.  He looked up and said "oh, that's exactly it".  Oh, okay thanks honey.  With the holidays on our door steps, I didn't figure it would do much good to get into the doc.  Once the holidays passed, I called to schedule an appointment with Dr. B.  After five months of paying attention, I could pretty much nail down when this rash would go wild.  Like I knew it would, the rash began to go crazy, and like each month, it was a little bit worse.

On Monday, with my arms looking like this pic above,  I walked-in to Dr. B's office.  I was on fire.  Literally, rashed from my neck all the way down.  Not all of my body was this bad.  The majority was a fine, but itching rash.  My arms radiated heat.  I was miserable.  And I was serious about getting something figured out so I even brought my husband!  Explaining to Dr. B what was going on and how it related to my cycle and how NONE of the meds had helped, Dr. B said that I was beyond his realm of knowledge.  I needed to see an allergist so he sent a referral.  If it was anything like the derm, I could be waiting a while.  In fact, I had one week left before my return to the derm's office.  Depending on how that all fell out, the allergist might see my skin when it was calmed down a bit but Dr. B assured me that it would be taken seriously, especially considering I had a collection of pictures on my ipod.
Lo and behold, I had an appointment scheduled for the next day in LaCrosse with the allergist. I don't know if Dr. B and his staff pulled some strings or if God intervened but I was so thankful to finally, maybe, get some answers.  The info I'd read online talked about it being rare and very few doctors know about it or are willing to take it on.  I was prepared to beg.  My physical and mental health needed something to change even if it was a little scary.
On Tuesday, I went into the allergist's office armed with the internet research and with some drug suggestions from another doctor friend.  I gave Dr. K a brief history, told him how I'd reacted in '05 and again now to this medicine.  He immediately named the string of words I'd been researching.  My mouth dropped as I watched him type it into google to show me a helpful info sheet on it.  Dr. K's mouth dropped when I told him I'd read it already.  No begging needed.  He knew.  He nailed it right away.  We were right.  Dr. K was great.  He spent time with me.  He listened.  He had an answer. 
Autoimmune Progesterone Dermatitis.It means I'm allergic to progesterone and it causes a really bad rash.

Dr. K's recommendation  stop taking that medicine.  Simple.  But I'd try that once for a month.  That one doc told me it was out of my system and my skin was still growing with a rash.  Dr. K shared that once you make the skin mad it just continues to get mad.  For a long time.  While that med was out of my system, it wasn't long enough for my skin to calm down.  Apparently skin holds a grudge.  It would take approximately three months for my skin to finish being mad.  Wow.  As I sat there with my arms radiating heat and my hands dry and cracked, I asked if there was a way to get my skin to quit reacting (knowing there was something that he might not be familiar with).  Dr. K reminded me of the list of meds I'd tried that hadn't touched my rash.  The kenalog shot was enough to last four months and it provided relief for five days.  Another drug I'd tried didn't help with the itch but did make me really loopy.  Like I wasn't sure if I was in my own body kind of loopy.  Yah, scary.  I asked about Doxipen, a drug commonly used as an anti-depressant, but a really good antihistamine (thanks Rob).  Dr K said if benadryl knocks me out, hydroxizine makes me loopy, then doxipen would make me crazy.  We agreed that I wouldn't be able to function on this suggested drug which is never a good idea when you're a wife and mom and work full time.  Time.  I would just have to be patient.  Oh Lord, please help me.
With this sweet little autoimmune disorder, there is a chance that my body will also be allergic to the natural progesterone hormone that my body produces.  Which would stink.  Dr. K doesn't think that will be the case but he said we'll know for sure in three months.  Three long months.
So there it is.  I have some uncommon autoimmune disease.  Who knew?  For five months no one knew.  Except the chiropractor who googled it in 10 seconds.  Guess who I called and thanked right after I got off the phone with my husband.  While it's been a long five months, it could have been longer.  I could have had to beg the allergist to research it.  I could have had to fly to Dallas or somewhere like that to see a doctor who would deal with it. 
I sit here with a sick child of mine.  I have a nasty head cold and itching that won't give in.  But I have so much to be thankful for.  After all, I haven't washed dishes since New Year's Eve :) and have a husband who chooses to love me even when my body is plagued with a rash and my attitude is plagued with grummpiness.  Thank you Lord Jesus for how you care about the little things.    
 

Fun with Visitors

It's great to have fun with visitors.  Fun with family is that much sweeter.  

I was busy hanging out, just being family and not carrying around a camera for the most part but I did take the camera out for a few slides down the hill.  The year my kids found a little hill which they've decided they like much more because it means less walking back up.  Smart kids.

I love when my kids love each other.  Here, Scott takes the time to push Bethany down the hill.

Without snow pants and snow boots, Grandpa stayed at the top of the hill.  After giving his "beanie" to his granddaughter, he made sure to push them down hill a few times before retreating to the warmth of the house.

The above mentioned grand daughter sporting an Immanuel High School beanie:

This little boy is serious about sledding.  He can be found sledding like this until he eats snow.  Then he decides that's no fun and rides down hill backwards to keep the snow out of his face.

He loves sledding.  And really loves when the neighbor boy shows up to sled with him.  Eventually the two boys appeared to be punching and wrestling.  As I started to intervene, I remembered that Ryan says I need to let Scott be a boy and boys do that.  I'm proud to say that I let them be boys and they're still friends and neither of them got hurt.

Momma pulling Bethany while Bethany pulls her cousin visiting from California.

 And because this boy is from Central California where you have to drive up into the mountains to play in the snow, he's not very familiar with it.  In his 5 year old little mind, it made perfect since to surf.  And "surf" he did as his Aunt carefully pulled him down the driveway to the big hill.

Once they were tired of walking up the big hill, Grandpa Danny happily pulled them back.  Little did he know that he'd end up with 3 in the sled.  What a good sport Grandpa!

After the big boys ran by, the littles requested Grandpa Danny run to.  What a good sport!!!

This is my nephew.  He's a few months older than Bethany and I don't get to see him near enough.  I'm so, so thankful that my brother and sister in law not only shared him for Christmas, but also that they paid for an expensive airline ticket to get him out here.

 

Good thing we were back at the small hill when Judah's sled got away:

The excitement builds as momma adds a little weight to push the sled a little faster down the hill:

Wondering where Bethany dissapeared to, her Grandpa found her playing on the wood pile and old pick up.  She may love the city, but she's a country girl at heart.  Just like her momma!

He's quiet and doesn't volunteer for pictures.  When I caught him up close like this, I just had to share.

 Life at Rancho B's... it's good to be home!